My mother sent a picture of me and my husband that was taken 20 years ago. Oh my god, was it something, we looked so young!!  I looked at it for a long time, and thought where did the time go?  I should have taken better care of myself. No wrinkles, no little layer of extra fat, no dark circles…I had my whole life in front of me.  Then I looked a little closer, no wrinkles, no little layer of extra fat, no dark circles…I hadn’t lived it yet.  I remembered that young woman of 27 and all that she was, and then thought about all that she wasn’t.  She hadn’t lived through money struggles or health struggles or learned the hard way how to operate a business. She hadn’t learned to let go and just be and allow. She wasn’t a mom.  She had not truly loved without fear.  Sure, when you are young you think you are invincible and you love and live with reckless abandon.  But for me, to truly love without fear took a long time, and frankly it still takes practice.  I have more to offer my family at this stage in my life than I did then.  Do I need the exercise to keep up with my daughter?  I do.  Do I want to age gracefully and look beautiful?  I do.  Do I want to look like I did 20 years ago?  No, I don’t.  That would erase the map of my life.  I looked at another picture taken of me and my daughter, there were the lines, there were some age spots and there were the extra 10 pounds and soft edges.  Best of all there was someone who was trying her best to love without fear, trust without question, want without restriction, and desire without inhibition. There I was, and I liked the looks of her a whole lot better.

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