As a little girl she never saw the man in the moon, it was always a rabbit.  As much as she tried to see the man, she could not…until her perception was changed, by life, words; losing her focus.

She felt herself sliding backwards in a tunnel far away from all that was familiar, seeing her surroundings slowly grow smaller and smaller, thoughts and emotions swirling around beside her instead of within, frantically she tried to grab them to shove them back into their place.  Too late, she was gone.  She was not sure where she went, thought she had totally lost her mind, everything that was, wasn’t, up was down; back was front.  She was mad, crazy; peculiar.  How was she ever going to reorganize this the way she had it, all neat and tidy shoved deep down her psyche?  She could not, she was down the rabbit hole and would not emerge until…or perhaps that is where she belonged?

At first there was panic, the personification of all that she was, no longer inside of her.  She was inside a jar floating on an ocean of her own tears.  She was being questioned right and left and had not an answer to give.  She could not remember.  Who was she?

There it was, like on a movie screen, the history of her life without the sentiment attached.  She watched it all flicker by, endowed with the ability to be objective.  It was all that had brought her to this place; she could disengage, leave it all if she wanted to.  She touched the screen as the birth of her daughter played; a shock wave of pure joy, empowerment, love, surged back through her and into its rightful place.  She grasped the passion, for nature, education; life.  She seized the confidence she had, in herself, in family; in the universe.    As each event played she began to understand that while everything in her life had brought her to this point, were vital to keep in the recesses of her mind, they did not define who she could be from this point on.  Her perception of who she was could change, had to change, if she was to go forward in freedom.  She could focus and bring to the forefront all that satisfied, not that which left her to starve.

The process was messy, she nearly retreated many times as battling the Queen of Hearts is no easy task, what a clusterfuck!  She understood now why so many choose to live in the comfortable recliner of self-pity and judgement rather than to jump into the quagmire of actual living.  Makes her wonder if real life is the rabbit hole, full of wonder and screwed perceptions and mad people, or is the rabbit hole one’s place safe from having to live life?  Well…it really does not matter to her now, because oh how nice it is to look at the full moon and see the rabbit…

Photo credit yeimaya

Side note…I had no idea there was a real story about a rabbit in the moon until after I wrote this post and was searching for a video…who knew, always thought I was crazy…please check it out on the sidebar.